Translations

How can I translate my life to you? Which language will I choose? Whice details do I leave in and which do I leave out? What captures the meaning best? Is there really such a thing as a literal translation? Even in the same language, words are packed with so many layers of meaning that no two people completely share the same impact of the letters on a page. I have so many questions my head spins. Many times neither language comes out right. Words no longer capture the swirling thoughts in my mind. Before I've been able to find the right ones, the thought has already changed shape. I am a foreigner in my own country.

Why do I need you to understand me so desperately anyway? Is it because I hardly understand myself? I want you to do the work, the translating. Reflect back an image that makes sense. Somehow capture all that I have been and am becoming at the same time. Be a bridge from the comfort of home to an ever-expanding, barrier-shattering world outside. I will fight my way out of any box you place me in so why do I seek refuge in labels?

I chose this road because it challenges me, forces me to live in between the lines and forge a path not yet marked. But at the same time I resent the work. Yearn for ease. It's been so long since I could rest in the luxury of simple sentences. Ones that don't require translation and interpretation, just a nod of recognition. I get so tired. Just want to be and yet am unsatisfied with the silence. I am driven to find words. They have always been my release. Now they fail me, and I feel betrayed.